__ ____ \ | ___ _ ___ _ _ _ . ,__
| | |\| | | | | | | | | | |
"When Adar enters, | | | \ |_/ _| ___| _| |/_/ | _|
__ ____ ,__ _ _ _ __ ,__ _ __ __ ,__
joy is increased." | | | | | | | | .| | | | .| | | |
| | | | | _| |/_/ __|_ | _| __|_ | | _|
Adar is the most fun month of the Jewish year because the holiday of
Purim falls out during Adar. On Purim we dress up in costumes, give
gifts of food to our friends, read Megillas Esther which tells the story
of Purim, and in general have a good time. Purim is the time of the
year to be a little silly and in that vein I tried to put together
some things to entertain you.
Od Yosef Chai is an organization through which you can fulfill the
mitzvah of Matanos L'Evyonim. They can be reached at
1-800-823-2424, or mail your tzedakah to (thanks, Jonathan Abrams!):
Od Yosef Chai
860 44th Street
Brooklyn, NY 11220
Disclaimer: I did not write any of the items in this section, I only collected them.
Idiotic
Things Some Tourists Say when they visit our national parks.
"Keshi-Meshi", an old Yiddish radio
advertisement.
A
Yiddish Joke about Jewish indians.
A compilation of all those funny
Tech Support stories we've read over
the years.
Wrong holiday, I know, but you
will still get a kick out of The Haggadah - In
Computer Command Language.
Also the wrong holiday, but read it
anyway: Suggestions For
Tashlich.
Rabbits offer a reflection on
CIA vs. FBI vs. LAPD tactics.
Why are so many rabbits featured
in funny stories? This one is about a rabbit
and a dumb blonde.
"My 10-Point
Peace Plan", by Larry Gordon (Algemeiner Journal, Feb. 3, 1995).
Some Jewish
humor, from the Humor e-mail list.
Shop at
c.r. jew.com, which bills itself as "The internet's only clothing
catalog for Hasidic Jews". It's a parody of course.
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A Purim Parody: Arafat Converts; Runs For P.M.
PLO Chief Yasir Arafat, subscribing to the old adage of "if you can't
beat 'em, join 'em..." converted to Judaism this week, and immediately
announced his candidacy for Prime Minister of Israel, with Jerusalem
as his base of operations.
Meretz leader Yossi Sarid immediately threw his party's backing behind the candidacy. Meanwhile, Shimon Peres, who was caught off guard by Mr. Arafat's shocking revelation, announced his candidacy for the job of ra'is (President) of the Republic of Gaza. Mr. Peres demanded that Jerusalem must be the capital of an independent Palestinian state. A radical Hasidic group immediately threw its support behind Mr. Peres' candidacy.
These radical developments sent shockwaves throughout the Middle East. Jordan's King Hussein no longer wanted to be called the Hashemite leader but rather Hashem's leader, so he could challenge Mr. Arafat's claim to the Holy Land.
Mercurial Libyan leader Mu'ammar Qaddafi also decided to change his name to "Daffy Khadafy" and immediately claimed that the Warner Bros. cartoon character Daffy Duck was a Zionist inspiration and should be eradicated.
Saudi Arabia, caught off guard by these lightening developments, decided to change the name of one of their holy cities - Medina - to "Die Goldene Medina" hoping to attract disaffected Jews to this new autonomous region.
Syrian leader Hafez Assad, not to be outdone, is considering changing the name of his capital from Damascus to Couscous in order to attract Sephardic Jewish restauranteurs to the North.
Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein and Iranian chief Hashemi Rafsanjani were so taken aback by these fast-moving developments that they accidentally nuked each other.
Rabbinical leaders in Israel blessed the "smoking event".
A Purim Parody: And Now A Commercial Break...
Introducing "Chraino"!!! If you think that tangy stuff burns your
kishkes when you eat it with fish, just think what it will do to
your sink! Chraino - Under the hashgacha of the Vaad of Our Lady
of Perpetual Chasanas.
A Purim Parody: Escaped Convicts Go Batty
A group of escaped convicts broke out of jail in a small Michigan town
this week. The leader of the group, Hal Hoakum, claims that he wants
to convert to Judaism so he can be called "The Michigener Rav." Yasir
Arafat immediately recognized him as a future American Jewish leader.
A Purim Parody: New Restaurant In Hong Kong
The first kosher Chinese restaurant in Hong Kong managed by the Beijing
Government opened this week under the name "Hok Me A Chinik."
And a little bit of "Purim doggerel" compliments of the Mendele e-mail list. It is a little rhyme children would recite asking for a tip when delivering shlach manos:
Haynt iz purim Today is Purim Morgn iz oys Tomorrow is not Git mir a groshn Give me a penny un varf mir aroys And throw me out
[They told a lady they would chop some wood for her so they're standing by the woodpile]
Laurel: I don't know anything about chopping wood.
Hardy: What do you mean, you don't know anything about chopping wood. I thought your father was in the lumber business.
Laurel: Well he was, but only in a small way. He sold toothpicks.
Bert: Hey, Ernie, did you hear about the plane that crashed on the way to Warsaw?
Ernie: No, Bert, what happened?
Bert: Well, evidently some of the Poles moved to the right side of the plane!
[The best explanation I can come up with is that they're referring to a pole-zero plot; the poles moving to the right side of the plane would make the airplane's control system either anti-causal, or more likely, unstable.]
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